Saturday, December 10, 2005

To the Media: I will answer your Questions...

The President has refused to answer your questions. How can we allow him to get away with not answering questions to anyone? He is not a king, but he is certainly acting like there was divine intervention in the 2000 and 2004 elections. "Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme Executive Power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."

So, I have decided to take one for the team and change my name to President George Bush in order to answer questions from any media outlet in the country. This would allow at least some balance in your stories. A typical story would read, "The United States President refused to answer questions, but President Bush said, 'We are going to be in Iraq for years and years because this administration very much is interested in nation building contrary to the rhetoric during the 2000 election campaign."

I would fairly and honestly answer questions in small bits of information perfect for print media quoting. I am terribly sorry that I do not look like the fun-loving vacation bound Texan for television. I am available for comment for late night deadlines or for those reporters who want to file their stories first thing in the morning in order to get into the bars or coffee shops to root out the injustice perpetrated by the CIA or Bill O'Reilly's list of enemies of the state. If you want an answer to your questions please e-mail me at Here is an example to prove that I am in fact qualified to answer questions from the U.S. Fourth Estate.

1. Sir, do you think that with your pledge to clean up government is in keeping with allowing Karl Rove to continue his duties while under this cloud of suspicion?
President Bush said: "This Karl Rove is a dangerous man as demonstrated by the invasion of a sovereign country like Iraq. I feel it is my duty to keep him in the White House. As the chief law enforcement officer in the country, I worry that Rove could commit any number of crimes if we let him loose in the United States. "

2. Which specific person within the administration first suggested that the United States invade Iraq?
President Bush said, "I was not really involved in the whole discussion, but I suspect that Cheney and Rummy were the architects of this nightmare. "

The real point is that our media has failed on the job of informing us. They have kept secrets from us, and have failed to investigate claims from the administration about homelessness, poverty, Katrina, Iraq, the economy, tax policy, election policy, education policy, terrorism, science, and the use of propaganda. It is astounding that our government has made people disappear from the face of the earth, and every paper in the country should assign reporters to investigate this abuse of power. Every paper in the country needs to stand up to authority and demand a response to these questions. While the Grapevine is a small homeless paper, this policy of disappeared people is the antithesis of everything American. Everyone needs to stand against this policy. Homeless people are largely forgotten by our society--an injustice of indifference, but a government that erases people from the planet is corrupt to its core. No holiday fun stories, no cute interviews by the media until we stop this policy.


Blogger Kevin E. Cleary said...

The White House refused to comment on the failed Alito nomination, but President Bush said, "I'm considering nominating my most loyal advisor: my dog Barney."

I liked the Monty Python reference too. We should try to include Monty Python references in every post about government, I think. For instance, when talking about a legislative debate, President Bush could recommend the Argument Clinic.

12:09 PM  

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