Thought I'd give our blogging friends the edge over those in the main stream media-- our press release a day early! I've been slacking on this here blog (which is shameful since I started it), but I promise to post more often. I fear Brian may run out of Monty Python lines sometime in the near future if I don't. Hope all are well, and Happy New Year! -Kevin

Colorful New Grapevine Hits Cleveland Streets

Press Release
For Immediate Release: December 29, 2005
For more information, Call 216/432-0540 or email kevincleary@neoch.org

Just in time for the holidays, a beautiful new issue of The Homeless Grapevine is hitting Cleveland streets! Our latest issue moves forward into the new year by debuting our first full-color edition, but still focuses on those who have been left behind. Our front page features an interview with Lutheran Metro Ministries’ Mike Sering about the difficulties ex-offenders face when they are released. LMM is responsible for running 2100 Lakeside, the area’s largest homeless men’s shelter, and Sering is LMM’s Director of Shelter and Housing.

Our latest issue also details the exciting premiere of Cleveland’s affordable housing website, HousingCleveland.org. The website is already receiving around 1,000 visitors per day and is free for both landlords and potential tenants. At the unveiling, Marty Gelfand of Representative Kucinich’s office presented a resolution congratulating the agencies, county and city offices, and people involved.

Issue 74 also includes recommendations for Cleveland’s incoming mayor, Frank Jackson. The open letter from the Northeast Ohio Coalition for the Homeless asks Mayor-Elect Jackson to set reasonable shelter standards, establish a 24 hour drop-in center for homeless people, and calls for the Mayor-Elect to seek resignations from the senior staff of the Office of Homeless Services.

Readers of our previous issue might be disappointed to see less profanity within Issue 74's pages, but may express profane thoughts upon seeing how much money is spent by the County in our 2005 Continuum of Care Report. The Continuum tracks the federal dollars transferred to Cuyahoga County for the purpose of eliminating homelessness, and some of the numbers are astounding.

The latest edition of Northeast Ohio’s street newspaper also features the profile of a formerly homeless man who has lived on Cleveland’s streets for the majority of the past 25 years. His observations of the decline of manufacturing, dearth of affordable housing, and changing times are not to be missed! The Homeless Grapevine embraced this holiday season in characteristic fashion: with an Editorial discussing the overburdening of small charities by eager holiday volunteering.

As always, Cleveland’s Voice for Social Justice has much more, including original poetry, the results of our 2005 Reader’s Survey, original commentaries, photographs, and more! Pick up our vibrant, full-color issue at the West Side Market, the Northeast Ohio Coalition for the Homeless office, or from any licensed vendor.

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And, now for something completely different... "How to Defend Yourself Against Fresh Fruit"

See the complete text of the skit here: http://www.intriguing.com/mp/_scripts/fruit.asp

(All sigh.)

Sgt.: We haven't done them, have we? Right. Bananas. How to defend yourself
against a man armed with a banana. Now you, come at me with this
banana. Catch! Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against a man
armed with a banana. First of all you force him to drop the banana;
then, second, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now
rendered him 'elpless.
Palin: Suppose he's got a bunch.
Sgt.: Shut up.
Idle: Suppose he's got a pointed stick.
Sgt.: Shut up. Right now you, Mr Apricot.
Chapman: 'Arrison.
Sgt.: Sorry, Mr. 'Arrison. Come at me with that banana. Hold it like that,
that's it. Now attack me with it. Come on! Come on! Come at me!
Come at me then! (Shoots him.)
Chapman: Aaagh! (dies.)
Sgt.: Now, I eat the banana. (Does so.)
Palin: You shot him!
Jones: He's dead!
Idle: He's completely dead!
Sgt.: I have now eaten the banana. The deceased, Mr Apricot, is now 'elpless.
Palin: You shot him. You shot him dead.
Sgt.: Well, he was attacking me with a banana.
Jones: But you told him to.
Sgt.: Look, I'm only doing me job. I have to show you how to defend
yourselves against fresh fruit.